A Load of Bull

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Now, I’m not usually one who’s susceptible to throwaway compliments, but while attending a cocktail event just this Monday, an acquaintance happened to glance at my watch and offered a simple “Very classy watch, bro.” In the usual scheme of things, such well-meaning praise would be taken as nothing more than polite flattery and dismissed as such. However, the watch in question so happened to be our latest Aries Gold flagship watch – El Toro. So, I decided to continue the conversation as follows.


Me: My friend, this must be your lucky day, because it’s a new release, and I’m working for the company…

Him: Wow… *Voice drops a few decibels to conspiratorial tone* So got discount?

Me: *Totally aware of how predictable his request was* Of course bro, only for you. But first, let me tell you about the special features so that you can impress girls. My salesman tells me that even his Tinder dates have been impressed.

Him: Sounds good, tell me more.

Me: Alright, this timepiece is called El Toro, or The Bull in English. It’s a mechanical skeleton watch, which simply means that the mechanical moving parts are exposed and visible. The leather strap is not your typical pasar malam (i.e. night market) fake leather type, because we use genuine calf leather for this. You see this special buckle?

Him: Ya?

Me: That is called a butterfly buckle, because it spreads out like a butterfly spreads its wings. To give the impression that you know your history well, El Toro was also the name of a Marine Corps airbase where many US presidents landed in the Air Force One jet.

Him: *Nodding along*

Me: The good thing is, it has a sapphire glass crystal, making it highly scratch-resistant. Okay, don’t say I’m not a brother ya. Demand is high for this because the price is reasonable, so if you’re really interested in getting this watch, I can help you reserve it at any H2 Hub outlet and give you priority collection. Can probably give you $20 early bird discount too, but I will need to check with my boss.

Him: Thanks bro. About the Tinder thing, do you have tips?

Me: They say nice guys finish last, so don’t be a nice guy, just be a gentleman. *Flashed watch in his face with a knowing look*

As I walked away, I couldn’t help but to feel like one of the shopkeepers at Peninsula Shopping Centre hawking their sports goods, throwing out phrases like “Just for you” and “Very good price, boss”, knowing I had literally just spouted, well, a load of bull. Because I couldn’t guarantee that he’d score lots of dates with El Toro, but what I did know is he’d definitely look good with it on his wrist even while delivering canned pick-up lines.

-The Watchman